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She smiled at first, and then she didn't; I was perturbed but I learned

She smiled at me, yesterday. I don’t know she may have returned my smile. But, I know that I smiled back, perhaps again.

The energy between us was flowing and it was beautiful. Raw. Not named.


I even noticed that she talked among her friends and everyone kept looking at me and smile.

I enjoyed the attention. I appreciated the attention and I was there with my whole being returning them.

Today, she has been avoiding eye contacts

Why does this bothering me a little bit?

I was expecting to experience the same peak of beauty because of her, and since it didn’t happen, I am perturbed.

But, who is really perturbed? The whole, perfect, me that is aware of me sitting here and typing? The whole, perfect me that is even aware of the fact that I am perturbed?

The dimension of me that allows expectations is perturbed, that is normal. Expectations not fulfilled, so the feeling of dejection.

But which one am I? The weak me that needs certain actions form others to be happy, or the unaffected needless awareness that is even aware of the weak me.

Maybe, I am both. Maybe I am neither. Maybe, the weak me exist, so just I could experience that there exists a needless me.

If I did not experience neediness, how I would even know that there is needlessness.

So I am both, and the flow of energy is beautiful. It is teaching me much.


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