Sharing pronouns: forcing non-conformity?

Let me just dive right in. I do not disagree with the value of sharing your pronouns. As a college professor, I SOMETIMES do that during my classes. The key here is the word sometimes. So really this starts with when I find this practice inclusive, and what are some situations that the practice can be exclusive.

I ALWAYS ask my students in the pre-class survey, which is only for me to see, to share their pronouns with me. The wording I use is very simple: "what are your pronouns?" I also don’t make it a mandatory question for them to answer. Most often, especially in an Engineering discipline, everyone is either he/him/his or she/her/hers.

The value of this pre-class survey question is for me to see if there is anyone in my class that actually would appreciate a bit of support to feel more included in the class environment. I do understand the struggles one may experience because the group does not recognize how they see themselves, or the unique opinion they have as legitimate.

If I see anyone in my class that I recognize need that support, I lead by example and share my pronouns with the class through my email communications, my first-session introduction in class, and across the discussion forums that class may have.

I do also encourage students to share their pronouns. I say something vague like “as creating an inclusive class environment is very important for everyone’s learning, I encourage you to also share your pronouns when you are introducing yourself.”

I don’t make it mandatory; as doing so would make the practice exclusive to students who have doubts and are uncomfortable sharing their pronouns.

So yes I only do use this inclusion tool SOMETIMES. The next key point I just mentioned is that sharing pronouns is a tool. And as such, sharing pronouns inherits the most obvious characteristic of tools: they are extremely useful when used in an appropriate setting and useless and even harmful if used in inappropriate settings.

But what harms sharing pronouns could have? Good question.

Establishing a culture where there is an extra emphasis on saying the correct pronouns can be actually exclusive to other groups of people. I will share a couple of examples.

I’ll use myself as the first example. I grew up in Iran and my mother tongue is Farsi. Farsi is a completely genderless language. At no point in my growing up did I have to get used to saying the correct gender pronouns and it comes with an extra effort that I need to pay attention to say the correct English pronouns. In normal settings, I am comfortable as if I make a mistake and apologize and even make a joke about how non-sexist I am. Well, the joke depends on my relationships. However, the idea of walking into space in which saying the correct pronouns are so important that if I make mistakes everyone's head, literally or figuratively, is going to turn just sounds daunting to me. So normally, if I am tired or I don’t really have to go, I excuse myself. Bam! I am excluded from the group because an inclusive tool was used to make the space more inclusive.

The next example is more general. The basis of it is that not everyone is as brave as the LGBTQ+ community to have discovered their alternative, or non-conforming identities. I do admire when individuals defy the societal norms and are brave to be themselves. What I don’t admire is because some individuals see it as their priorities to present themselves authentically, it is also assumed it should be the goal of other people. It takes energy to be authentic in a society that punishes you for non-conformity. Some students in the class might not want to invest their one precious life in the fight for authenticity and want to conform to society. The sharing pronouns tool will be exclusive to those people as they have to learn in a space that they have to be reminded they are living a lie. Them having to share their pronouns might be another lie that they have to tell themselves and tell the world. The self-deception could also be subconscious and those individuals just know that they don’t like something about the sharing pronouns practice.

As it is bad to force individuals to conform to what society sees as okay, it is equally bad to force individuals to let go of the comfort of conforming.

A non-useful usage of the sharing your pronouns where there is no-one to benefit from the normalization of non-conforming pronouns is only exclusive to those who find the policy as a reminder that they are lying to themselves.

The third example is about the exclusive nature of such polices on people who do not feel comfortable with any identity. Some people choose to live a life that its first and foremost goal is to avoid forming identities. For instance, they don’t identify with male or female. They do know they are male or female but it is not a matter of identity for them. Rather, it is a matter of fact. If you mistake their gender they will only laugh it off and will tell you who cares if you thought they were male or female. However, those people do feel uncomfortable to be in a space that proclaiming a gender identity has become a social duty.

The last example is about people’s different verbal and language skills. Not everyone talks as easily and for some speaking coherently may be an ongoing challenge during a meeting such as a classroom. People with a speech impediment might also find the extra effort that they have to put on remembering everyone’s name and using the correct pronouns daunting. Humans have only so much attention resources and if the demand for a situation exceeds the capacity of a person, they will recoil from participation.

As I professed in the first sentence, I do see the values of the tool sharing pronouns as a device for all of the highly reverenced words in the academic circles: diversity, inclusion, equity and social justice. However, like any other medicine, it does also have side effects, and if it is regarded as a general tool that can be applied to any campus, any classroom, or society, I am afraid that’s just too simplistic and can be also exclusive.